I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
