Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
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