just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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