It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
