You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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