I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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