I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
