Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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