I cannot find my penis.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
