yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i came on her dog
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
