I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
