I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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