He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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