We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
