just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
