He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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