operation harelip BJ is a go
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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