ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
