Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
