she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I want to be your penis for a week.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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