This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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