the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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