What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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