Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize