It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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