It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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