I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
