At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
