I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize