You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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