end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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