I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
where are you?
Hypothermia
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
