Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You took a bar mat shot.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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