guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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