This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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