Already got asked if we're dating
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
