Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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