I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
