he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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