I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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