Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
