The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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