I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
