i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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