His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
