i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
