We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
