How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
His hands were made for my vagina.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
