well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
