he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
