we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
