So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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