her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
