Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
