my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I need moral support for this bender
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
