I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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