Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
