My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just want nice things and good sex
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
