By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
