Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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