the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
