You made me cry and you don't even care
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
