'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
