But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
