I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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